Happiness versus Hatred

Building walls… that’s what I’ve always done.  My philosophy?  If people cared enough, they’d climb them.  Then I met  a man who completely changed my way of thinking.  I learned to trust again, despite my past.  I learned to smile and laugh, after years of crying and constant pain.  I learned to LIVE for the first time in 35 years.  And once again, for the first time in my life, I know what true love is.  It’s not roses, sparklers, fireworks and rainbows all the time, no.  It’s working together, as a team.  And as a team we conquer life’s hurdles together, hand in hand.  I remember the exact moment I fell in love.  It was a defining moment for me.  A much higher power crossed our paths, and we’ve been together ever since.  My son is growing up, which gives me a freedom I haven’t had in quite a long time.  If I wasn’t changing diapers and held up by an over stuffed diaper bag, I was held captive in my home by fear.  This amazing man has put his daily struggles on the back burner to help me over come said fears.  At one point I was uncomfortable leaving my home.  Now?  Now I’m uncomfortable being cooped up all day and can’t wait to go out, even if it’s just for dinner.  I grew up with anxiety disorders, but didn’t know what they were.  These anxiety disorders caused me to be extremely jealous of those who could leave their houses.  That jealousy shifted into anger and hatred.  And then I met this man, and my entire perception changed, ultimately causing me to change.  I love who I’ve become and I owe it all to him (and a few others who have given me a gentle push along the way).  But when I go to bed every night, I thank whoever’s listening for introducing me to him.  For he has his own struggles, yet gets out of bed everyday with a smile on his face; he refuses to get laid off in the winter months and collect unemployment so he can sit home and play video games (something completely foreign from what I’m used to); he manages to get through each day, and treat me as if I was the most delicate flower he’s ever held in his hands.  I am extremely envious of him, and hope to one day possess a strength even just half of his.  He is what I call a man.  He is what this country needs more of.  He doesn’t sit back and feel he’s entitled to something (unemployment, government assistance, etc.)  He works his ass off!  Very admirable.  He is… the love of my life.  I like this feeling.  It is so much better to be happy than to be filled with venom and hate.  I’m not yet where I want to be, but thank GOD I’m not where I once was.  I love you Bill.  And I’m grateful for you each and every day.  Forever.



5 thoughts on “Happiness versus Hatred

If you can't be kind, be quiet. : ) Have a good day!!

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