My B.A.D. A Thought for Tuesday

I can’t deny it.  The death of Robin WIlliams has been on my mind all day.  Not because he’s a celebrity, and because it’s the newest juicy story, but rather because he was a human being.  I don’t know the lifestyle he lived.  I imagine, with his success, it was one of luxury, but some of us know that money isn’t everything.  It makes me sad to know how many people are walking around this earth, with the exact same feelings he was harboring.  No matter how famous you are, or how much money you have, depression sets in and you’re alone.  No one gets you.  No one understands.  You’re fighting a constant battle in your head that no one else can see.  You try to vocalize it; find words to explain the pain you’re in.  Imagine the answers Robin might have gotten from doctor’s. “You’re Robin Williams!  What could you possibly have to be depressed about?!”  Did no one hear his cries for help?  Thoughts of suicide don’t normally happen over night.  It’s a long road, with a big “Dead End” sign at the end.  Now, the world has lost an amazing artist, and for what?  Because we have lost our sense of compassion.  I cannot fault those closest to him, as he was an actor, and probably put up a good front for them, leaving them in the dark.  If only…  If only he opened up.  If only he volunteered for mental illness awareness as well as the food shelters.  Perhaps I’d have something different to write about today.  But it kills me…  How many people have to commit suicide before SOMEONE will start taking mental illness seriously?! 

I was in that dark place.  I had a plan.  I admitted to my doctor that I did have a plan, but would not confess what it was.  I was put on 24 hour supervision, not even allowed to sleep in a bed by myself.  Then I got word that my son was being neglected.  The maternal instinct that resides inside of me ripped a whole in the wall of this deep dark place and brought me back to reality.  Is it gone?  Is it just laying dormant, waiting to suck me in again?  Well, I’m a firm believer in thoughts become things. The more I think of these dark places, the more power they have.  The less I think of them, the less power they have over me.  I am happy.  I have faced my dark places.  Maybe because I won, they are gone.  One can only pray. 

Depression is nothing to take lightly.  The pain associated with it, the loneliness, the seclusion, the idea that no one will ever understand.  WE ALL need to raise awareness!!  So, do your part.  Smile at a stranger, do an anonymous good deed, pay attention to those close to you.  Look for signs of depression.  Look for a way to fix it and DO NOT go to one doctor, get a prescription and medicate them.  Get several opinions!!  Walking zombies is not the resolution.  We need to get to the root of these problems.  Why are people so depressed that they feel taking their own lives is the only answer?  Medication is a quick fix and an even easier way for people to call you “crazy”.  Been there, done that.  I’m happy to say I’ve voluntarily removed all meds from my system (except Xanax for severe anxiety) and am dealing with the root of any and all depression that creeps into my life.  I’ve now got a solid support system and I’m not facing it on my own.  That in itself makes a HUGE difference.

So, my thought for today?  We, as a community, as a city, a state, a country, an entire planet, need to start taking mental illness more seriously.  Telling someone with severe depression that they’re crazy is NOT doing them any favors.  Spreading horrible gossip and rumors and false allegations will not help anyone.  As my blog title says, “If you can’t be kind, be quiet.”  EVERYONE is fighting a battle in their own minds that YOU know nothing about.  And maybe YOUR harsh words, accusations, rumors, etc., will be the reason someone resorts to suicide.  How would that make you feel?  Your heartlessness, your lack of compassion caused someone to take their life.  There is a movement taking pace, to blanket the earth in positivity.  I’m happy to say I’m a part of it.  

For those of you who just NEED to throw a jab and be negative, please remember that karma does in fact exist.  For what you wish on someone else, will eventually come back at you (what you put out is what you get back).  Be careful who you curse, and please do us all a favor and don’t play the “poor me” card when karma does catch up with you, because it will.  I promise you it will. 

Just be freaking nice already!  Enough of the childish comments.  How many fake emails are you going to create just to leave one nasty remark on my blog (as if I’m actually going to publish it) before you run out of email addresses?  Yes, I suffer from mental illness, but in order for your nastiness to effect me, I’d have to care about you.  I don’t.  About none of you.  Instead, I lean on fellow bloggers and my support system.  YOU mean nothing to me, and you have zero power to resurrect the dark whole I was once sucked into.  You have no power over me.  Your attempts are weak and childish, and it’s because of people like you, with your nasty, bitter attitudes that people like Robin Williams commit to suicide.  You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

I wish you all, friends and enemies alike, peace, love and happiness, always.

~Kate…mentally ill, but soaring to success, Kate.

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7 thoughts on “My B.A.D. A Thought for Tuesday

  1. Very well said. I can’t understand how depression and anxiety are still so stigmatized. How speaking of suicide is taboo. We really need to make sure that people suffering from mental illness can really understand how much help is out there for them! When my anxiety got really bad, like I wrote in my 1st blog, I spoke to my dr. And he put me on Zoloft. For a few days I felt great, but eventually the dread came rushing back and I was irritable and so forgetful! I was exhausted and I had enough. I told him to ween me off and then I went and started seeking help from a psychologist. I’m happy to say that I’ve been off the Zoloft for about 5 months now and talking and learning to deal with my issues have helped me tremendously! I feel like a better me. There is so much hope out there. I’m sure as a community, we can make other people realize this.

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    • I hope so… It has been my goal for a very long time to raise awareness to mental illness, as my ex is constantly calling me crazy. He’s not the only one, but his ignorance is driving me to make a change. So, as painful as it is at times, I’ll use that pain as my teacher and perhaps Robin Williams as an example. So happy to hear you’re off the meds and talking!! That’s the BEST medicine. I wish you all the best!!

      ~Kate

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      • What other people think of me is none of my business. However, when you’re married and you hear it on a daily basis, the labeling theory sets in and you start to believe you are the names you are being called. I will fully admit that my EX husband is the most ignorant man on the face of this earth, and I will never speak to him again. If his name calling upset me now, that’d mean I must care. I don’t. However, he isn’t the only one guilty of resorting to name calling and it disgusts me. I have a sister (Yup… I put it out there. I was advised not to refer to her at all as I might ruin her and her husbands reputations, as they’d have to admit they’re related to a crazy person.) It’s just ignorance and THAT drives me crazy. I will do great things. Thank you. Not because I want or need to feel better than anyone else, but because my intentions are pure and only to educate. If people care enough, they’ll take the time to educate themselves, before they say (again, while I’m in the midst of a panic attack) “Oh Katie, just get over it already and get in the car.” As if I have the ability to shut it off. Plain and simple, painfully obvious, IGNORANCE. I’m hoping to change this. Maybe they’ll read my book, maybe they won’t. I refuse to put them in there, even as an example, because someday I’ll make it…BIG, and their distance from me will bite them in the ass. I do believe that’s called Karma. 🙂

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      • I read that quote a few months ago and it truly resonated with me “what other people think of me is none of my business”. They don’t define me. Their words don’t define YOU! As I can tell, you are one tough cookie! I look forward to reading your blogs. To making friends with you. So many people are so ignorant! They don’t understand how it feels to have an anxiety or panic attack. They think by saying “get over it” or “relax!” Will help. We really cannot switch it off! Talking and writing have always helped me and it is really been good to me lately. So I applaud you and wish you nothing but the best for what you are putting out there and how you seem to be changing within as well.

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      • If it was as simple as “Getting over it” or “relax” I’d save myself the $80 sessions with my therapist and do it. It’s just ignorance on their part, and not my problem. I’ll provide them the material as to what it feels like to be in the middle of a panic attack. They can take it, read it, try to understand it or throw it all away and remain ignorant. The choice is theirs. I AM one tough cookie! I was so very weak for so many years. I’m DONE being weak. I’m DONE hiding from fear. I’m DONE dealing with ignorance. And I’m embracing friendships such as this. Like attracts like. I look forward to this newfound friendship. If you ever need anything (to talk, vent, anything) just email me and I’ll get right back to you. I promise. Hope you have a great night!!

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If you can't be kind, be quiet. : ) Have a good day!!

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