Nope… Don’t want to see him go.

Daily Prompt:August Blues

As a kid, were you happy or anxious about going back to school? Now that you’re older, how has your attitude toward the end of the summer evolved?

 

I was anxious to go back to school, but not in a good way.  I was always afraid.  Why?  No clue.  My anxiety has been with me for that long.  I loved the new clothes and new shoes.  I had lots of friends from all different cliques, so it wasn’t as if I didn’t fit in any where.  I just hated school and couldn’t wait for it to finally be over… for good.  I had no intentions of going to college (although I did later on in life, and maintained a 4.0 GPA the whole time) and no clue what was going to happen once I graduated, but I wanted out.

Now, as an adult with a child going to school?  Yes, it’s definitely changed.  I don’t want to send him back.  We have bonded so much over the summer.  I don’t want to see it come to an end.  He had to go to school yesterday, and his schedule had to be changed because he had class with kids who targeted him last year.  So, we took care of that and he got the restricted hall pass…AWESOME.  He’s quite happy with his schedule, and already has a Spanish tutor.  But, I guess I’m just not ready for this summer to end.  We had way too much fun this summer.  More than any other summer I believe.  I’d like to take accountability for this, but alI I can say is I participated.  We owe it ALL to Bill.  Who knew he could be so fun?! 

So, am I one of those parents doing a little happy dance because my son is going back to school?  Nope.  I’m sad, but I have to hide it.  I have to be excited for Ryan.  If he sees me sad, he’ll be sad.  The other night (we talk before he goes to bed) he said that he often cries when the bus pulls away because he feels safe with me.  As the bus is pulling away, his sense of security is lessened by the mile.  My heart breaks for this boy on a regular basis.  So, I’m getting him a new phone (one that works) and I’m assuring him, I’m just a phone call away.  We’ll get through this.  It’s us against the world, remember?  I’m emailing all of his new teachers today, and hope to remain in constant contact throughout the school year, so he graduates 7th grade with honors.  If his grades slip, his sensei will make him skip class until he gets them back up, so I’m not alone.  He’s got plenty to motivate him.   The thought of removing karate brings him to tears.  Maybe that’ll be enough to get him to pay attention.  Regardless, I don’t want to send him off again.  Does it ever get easier?

Happy blogging!

~Kate

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7 thoughts on “Nope… Don’t want to see him go.

  1. I felt the same way with my only child, every late August, taking him to his first day of school, watching his chin quiver, knowing he was scared, didn’t want to be there, hated it. When he was 13, we started unschooling, not learning from textbooks, learning from life. He didn’t cry. He was safe. The kid with the knife in school couldn’t get to him, he loved his life. No it never gets easier ………..

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    • I was going to home school him, but I was getting different messages from different doctors, and I ultimately didn’t get the paperwork in on time. I can’t afford the curriculum either and his father is of NO help. I already know the answer… “That’s what the child support is for.” I won’t even ask him for a dime. He’s supposed to be paying me more than he is now, and he knows it. And knowing this, not once did he offer to help with the school supply list, or the new clothes. So, my plate is full, my bank account near empty, but my son is happy and THAT’S all I care about. Filing a petition for the proper amount of child support only means that I’ll actually have to sit in the same room with the jerk. I’ll make it work on my own. I always do.

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