Houston, we have a problem… possibly. But I SO got this!

I took Ryan to his regular mental health doctor today for his weekly appointment, and he completely shut down.  Every time she asked a question, all she got were one word answers.  So, after the session, she came out to get me.  I don’t know what she was expecting (actually, I do, now that I’ve spoken to a child psychiatrist) but I spelled it out for her, she chose not to listen and prod Ryan, and got the results I told her she would get if she continued the prodding.  Right now, Ryan has a very strong dislike for his biological father, with good reason.  Do you think the man has made ANY attempt to even apologize for the false accusations he sent via a private PS3 message?  Nope.  I’ve gotten 2 texts.  “Does Ryan want to talk to me yet?”  That’s it.  Yesterday, when Ryan saw his father’s girlfriends son at school, he ran in the guidance office crying asking if he could please leave because he didn’t want to chance running into his “father.”  So, is this me bashing him?  Because that’s what he claims.  His exact words were “It’s bash after bash douche.”  Again, at what age is one expected to take accountability?  Sure you can tell Ryan all of these horrible things about me, but he LIVES WITH ME.  He knows they are not true and now sees you as a liar.  AWESOME!  And you want to blame ME for his anxiety issues? 

Well, Bill went to the doctor yesterday, and the doctor shook his hand and told him how refreshing it was to see a boyfriend take on such a huge role.  Ryan isn’t HIS responsibility, yet, he’s doing everything he can to help Ryan.  He’s doing ALL the things Ryan’s “father” should be doing.  And there’s no yelling and screaming in our house. There’s no name calling, and there’s no violence to toughen the kids up.  Ryan feels safe here, and has absolutely no interest in ever speaking to his “father” again.  So, a heads up “Dad”… Maybe you should apologize.  Maybe you should tell him you said these horrible things about me and Bill, out of anger and apologize for lying.  There’s a start.  And that’s all you’re getting from me.  I’m DONE helping you.

Now, let’s just hope Ryan is comfortable with the new doc, because him shutting down is NOT cool.  See?  We make all this progress, his father pops up and we’re back to the beginning.  Awesome.  And feel free to print this out and go cry to the judge you idiot.  This is NOT a bash… I’m sorry that the truth hurts.  I’m NOT sorry that Ryan wants nothing to do with you.  After the comments you made?  I wouldn’t be surprised AT ALL if he NEVER talks to you again, and it’s ALL YOUR DOING!!!

So, fellow bloggers, please keep Ryan in your prayers, that the new doctor will be able to get him to open up, and feel like the 11 year old he’s supposed to be?  It would be greatly appreciated.

~Kate…one fed up with making excuses for an adult man who refuses to take accountability, Kate.

****UPDATED****

I would also like to apologize for the negativity.  This man just happens to bring the best out of me (Um…sarcasm).  The things he has said and done to my son are things no child should be exposed to.  I wish I could put into words the new doctors expression when we informed him that Ryan’s “father” bought him Grand Theft Auto 5 for Christmas.  The game never made it into my house.  But I can’t erase all the vivid memories Ryan has from all the Saw movies he watched with his very proud “father.”  I know that I am supposed to pray for his happiness.  In a world where I’m on the path to enlightenment, I know my ego and anger is controlling this situation right now.  Perhaps one day, a long time from now, I will find it in my heart to forgive all that’s been said and done to me, my son and to the man who is forever doing another man’s job.  But that day isn’t close.  The only word that comes to mind right now is indifference.  If I never see that man again, I’m okay with that.  If I have to answer an occasional text asking “Is Ryan ready to talk to me yet?” so be it.  But right now, I cannot bring myself to sincerely pray for a man who has no remorse, nor sees the error of his ways.  So, unless or until that day arrives, I will no longer allow him or his actions to consume me as they once did.  Ryan told me and 2 of my friends just the other day, that he hated his father and never wanted to speak to or see him again.  I’m a monster don’t forget.  I say horrible things about his father.  (Again…sarcasm) Well, I told Ryan WE don’t hate ANYONE.  We can hate their actions, or the words they say, but we do not hate the person.  They are human and are going to make mistakes.  We cannot fault someone for being ignorant.  All his “father” knows is screaming, yelling, name calling and violence to toughen his kids up.  If that’s all he knows, how can we be angry?  We can only teach by example.  There’s none of that in my house and Ryan is thriving!  One day with his “father” and he regresses so far back.  I can’t sit back and watch any more.  I can’t allow this to continue.  I’m the mama bear let’s not forget.  And regardless of who you are, I will not stand around and watch you hurt my child; ignorant or not.  So, this is it.  The last negative post you will find on my blog.  I’ve got my son, I’ve got my boyfriend, I’m surrounded by positive people and my life is GREAT.  No one, not even Ryan’s sperm donor is going to bring me down.  See?  Why focus on the negative when I have so much positive in my life??  The good outweighs the bad by a longshot and that is where my heart will reside from this moment on.  And isn’t it funny… according to the grapevine, I’m supposed to be being sued.  Shouldn’t I have been served with some kind of paperwork by now?  These people are a joke!  It’s so sad that you have to read my blog to find out what’s going on with your son…  And again, this is all because of YOU!  Hope all of you (with the exception of all the assholes following me and leaving anonymous hate mail because they’re nothing but cowards) have a great night!!

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10 thoughts on “Houston, we have a problem… possibly. But I SO got this!

  1. Praying for Ryan. And for you. 🙂 God bless.

    Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

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If you can't be kind, be quiet. : ) Have a good day!!

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