… You need to know if you want to better understand me.
1. I am the youngest of 3 children and have never been close to either of my siblings. They are close, but I’m the annoying little sister; the black sheep in my family.
2. Above all else, I am a mother. And I’m not just your average run of the mill soccer mom. I’m a Mama Bear. Do not, in any way, shape or form, mess with my child. Do you know what a mother bear does to humans who taunt her cubs?
3. I have every intention of using this blog as a documentary on my journey to self discovery. I’ll spare you the details and just say I hit rock bottom. This is me climbing my way, inch by inch, out of that black hole. I’ll find the sun again someday soon. I’m not too far away.
4. In front of me is a stack of pamphlets. For everyone getting to know me, I tell them to read these first. The titles of the pamphlets are, in no particular order because each one sucks:
– Understanding Anxiety Disorders
– Panic Disorder: When fear overwhelms
– Social Phobia: Always embarrassed
– Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: When Unwanted Thoughts Take Over
– Major Depressive Disorder
– Depressive Illnesses
– Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
– Agoraphobia: When leaving your comfort zone seems impossible
Now, these are just a few of the pamphlets available, so that those who’d like to get a good look inside the mind of Kate, can get a general idea. These are the major illnesses, the ones keeping me (or trying to rather) from reaching my full potential.
5. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I give EVERYONE a chance, regardless of prior warnings or reputations, until they give me a reason to turn my back. And even then I have a hard time. I try to find and bring out the good in everyone. I believe that there IS good in everyone, even those who have done unspeakable things to me. If the goodness is nurtured and encouraged, it becomes stronger, enabling the person to take over the evil previously controlling their minds. There’s good and evil in all of us. I’m trying my hardest to get rid of the evil, and just when I think its gone, something happens, something is said that triggers it to the forefront. Maybe there is no getting rid of it completely. Maybe it’s a balance I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. And this would be why I do not judge people. I don’t know what their internal battles are; I don’t know what or who their demons are. All I know, for absolute certain, (in an attempt to not offend anyone’s religious beliefs) is that we all bleed red. How’s that?
Some side notes? My son and I are not very religious. I was baptized Catholic but do not practice it. In place of going to church every Sunday, we practice Buddhism daily. It has become so natural for us, and we have been rewarded in so many ways. We found something that fits…like a glove! Buddha himself said that Buddhism is not a religion, but rather a way of life. You live your life out of kindness, both to others as well as yourself. We are not monks, and haven’t reached the meditation stages, but we’re slowly making our way.
I used to be a people pleaser. That is essentially what destroyed me. I’m not any longer. If I say something that offends you, please know that this is not my intention. I’m no longer walking around on egg shells so as not to upset anyone, but I’m not a tiger being released from a cage and going for the jugular either. I’m very opinionated, but equally as open-minded.
So, welcome to MY journey to re-discovering exactly who it is that I am. I love to write, I love to read, and I love to love. I’m constantly learning. I don’t think you can ever know too much. I take it all in. If I like it, I retain it. If I don’t, I get rid of it to make room for something else that captures my interest. I was published once in a children’s magazine, but now I’m going all out adult non-fiction. The concept of my book? Pay it forward; gratitude; karma; what you put out is what you’ll get back… I think you get the idea. This is how we have been living our lives over the last 2 years and I am proof that it’s all true.
And finally… I’m a HUGE fan of elephants. I think that’s all. Happy Blogging!!